When have chat up lines ever worked? If you’ve managed to pull a girl with a well crafted chat up line then fair play to you but in most cases they come off as cheesy or tone deaf to what the girl is actually looking for. Check out this post for some of the worst chat up lines and techniques for pulling and see if you’re falling into the same traps.
Back in November last year we posted a blog called, ‘How Not To Talk To Women’ It featured several excerpts from a now defunct Tumblr blog account by @Babe_tv and focused mostly on guys who call the babeshows and specifically target the models who appear on them in an attempt to pick them up.
Well, we’ve found some more observations and useful tips for anybody struggling with their chatup game. From scouring the Twitterverse, @Babe_TV has come up with a top ten worst chat up lines. Check out the following list for some helpful hints and tips of what NOT to do when messaging a babeshow model…or any female to be fair!
For this post, I’ve assembled a slightly tongue-in-cheek resume documenting the top ten, absolutely 100% guaranteed NOT to work, methods of winning the heart of a TV model on Twitter. It’s harsh, but if you’ve seen what I’ve seen, I’m sure you’ll feel it’s perfectly fair…
Worst Chat Up Lines – Top 10
10. Pretending it’s your birthday. It’s not your birthday. She knows it’s not your birthday. Saying: “Hey, it’s my birthday! Let’s DM rude and pervy pix to each other until you fall in love with me!” will not work – even if it IS your actual, real birthday. The fact that it is your birthday (if it was, which it isn’t), does not change the fact that she has no idea who you are and would not go near you with a security guard and a fish fork. Hence, saying it is your birthday does not make it any more likely that your dream babe will extend the hand of lurve.
9. Pretending to be “in the industry”. For this one, you must essentially make sure your profile pic is a bog standard, default egg, and that you have absolutely no idea whatsoever how to upload anything that might make your account look vaguely profesh. Ideally, you will also have fewer than 10 followers, and finish 99% of your tweets with the word “lol”. You then approach TV babes at random saying: “Hi babe; I’m doing a shoot and I can pay you, like, loadz of good money. Please follow me so I can DM you all the relevant shit…” Don’t forget to vary your proposed payment rate from insulting to astronomical so all the models can marvel in stunned silence at what an award-winning plank you are, and block your sorry ass before people start to consider you dangerous.
8. Mentioning your dick. So, when you see James Bond on the telly, and he’s on the pull, does he go up to a babe and start talking about his dick?… No. Why’s that then? Well, mainly it’s because some women would make an immediate departure, some would throw vodka in his face, some would bar-stool him in the Niagras, and the rest would quite literally end his life. There is a very good reason why cool, successful guys don’t ask women if they can send them pictures of their dicks… IT DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!
7. Playing for sympathy. She’s not going to take pity on you and neither is anyone else. However many “Hi babe; the dog has bitten me very very hard in the gonads. I’m so in pain!” messages you spam into the Twittersphere, you are not going to move any closer to your fave babe’s hallowed knicker elastic. In fact she’s infinitely more likely to feel sorry for the dog. Just don’t.
6. Pretending to be interested in everything she’s interested in. She knows it’s all bullshit. She knows your only genuine interests are, in reverse order of importance, football, beer and wanking. So don’t try talking to her about perfume. You know nothing about perfume. She knows you’re taking all your expert knowledge from the first paragraph of the relevant Wikipedia page. And in any case, she doesn’t even want to talk about perfume. She wants to talk about astrology. So you’re then going to rush off to Wikipedia to read about that too. And then you’re going to send her a Tweet about cosmic sparkledust penetrating the inner ring of ur anus…. Sorry, Uranus. And then you’re going to get blocked. Really not worth it.
5. Threatening to close your account and other attention-begging spectacles. Yep, there really are actual blokes on Twitter who think that professional models will give two shits if they “leave the site”. The basic idea with this tactic is to set up some kind of ‘fan page’ or ‘promo account’, and then within about 48 hours start threatening to close it. Like it in some way is going to matter to a woman who has about a hundred thousand fans on the Social Web alone, that you, with your 150 followers, all of whom are in any case also following her, are about to cease downloading pics off Google and re-posting them on Twitter for about the eight billionth time. Then you deactivate your account for about half a day, realise that no one’s even noticed, then re-open it again and spend the next three weeks whining and feeling sorry for yourself. It really isn’t an attractive look. Once again. James Bond. Is this the sort of thing he’d be seen dead doing?…
4. Pretending to be a bird. Most of the thousands of accounts on Twitter in which men are pretending to be babes, have a goal of controlling other men. However, a small number are actually set up in order to gain the confidence of real models and attempt to access their lives. I think the blokes are sort of aiming to become a model’s housemate or flatmate and take things from there. Exactly what the real model is supposed to think when her new flatmate turns up with a bald head, hairy ‘breasts’ and a penis I’m not really sure, but I guess that falls into “cross that bridge when I come to it” territory. Needless to say, this really isn’t a particularly well thought out plan.
3. Starting a fan page war. There’s no better way to prove your love and dedication to a woman than to have a fight over her. Except this isn’t really a fight. It’s more of a salvo-fire of childish tale-telling followed by a challenging test of who can lick the most arse. It should be noted that there are no winners. The evidence has shown that even if you are a truly world-class arse-licker who concludes the battle by claiming to be a professional footballer, you are STILL not going to win yourself a TV babe.
2. Machine-gun womanising. This is the practice of tweeting one model after another, issuing sickly compliments and/or worst chat up lines, on a loop. Like, as if a woman is going to look at your page (and she WILL look at your page) and be impressed by the fact that she is but an insignificant speck among a baffling range of models in your non-stop babe-bothering campaign. Machine-gun womanising is easily the most common tactic of lurve among Twitter hopefuls, and it’s not limited to naïve newcomers. Even some of the old hands, with years of ‘experience’, are still fruitlessly pursuing MGW campaigns. Take this off Twitter and put it in the real world – on a train, or in the street… How does it look?… See now why it doesn’t work?…
1. Promising gifts but not actually having any intention of buying them. It had to be number one. It’s the ultimate in short-term thinking and will inevitably end in a virtual casserole dish in the cream crackers. How could it not? You tell a girl you’re buying her a present. She thanks you for your kindness. But you’re not really kind. You’re an attention-begging weasel who forgot to actually grow up. You get five minutes of attention, then have to live the rest of your life in the knowledge that the woman of your dreams hates your very guts.
Hopefully you haven’t attempted any of these examples of the worst chat up lines and techniques to get the ladies attentions. If you have, hopefully you have found this useful in changing your game for more successful results. Happy flirting!
